Black Don’t Crack
Have you ever heard the term “Black Don’t Crack” that often refers to black people’s physical appearance we look younger than our stated age. I am 39 and I still get carded. I embrace that term more and more especially as this is my last year in my 30’s! How do black people particularly black women feel on the inside with our your physical appearance we have these Eurocentric views and influences of what beauty is and to fit that scope view we can gain or lose weight, we grow our hair out or change our hair color, we buy implants tits or make our ass a little bit plumper if it isn’t already, we can make our noses bigger or smaller, we can add lashes or draw on our eyebrows, we can look fantastic on the outside, but what about on the inside? Black Cracks, but on the inside.
You can’t just go to a brain surgeon and say take out all of my PTSD, anxiety, grief, depression, pain, and trauma and leave in all of the good memories and happiness. Your mental appearance is displayed as depression, anxiety, positivity or negativity, victimhood or toxicity. If you have ever heard someone say, “Oh that’s not like him/her or he/she is acting funny today”, but why? What triggered that mental appearance was it an affair did you just catch a spouse cheating, did you just lose your job, did your husband, father, brother, uncle, cousin or friend all of a sudden get shot by the police or are you fed up with the cards life have dealt you and want to end it all. Are you thinking about ending your life? Are you wearing a clown face clowns wear make-up and paint a smile on, but deep down on the inside they are depressed or having suicidal thoughts. Our mental appearance can be altered by support from family and friends, medication, therapy and self-care.
Being a social worker I read cases and interact with people from all walks of life from all different socioeconomic backgrounds, races, and classes, all different life experiences of abusive or broken homes, molestation, prostitution, incest, addiction, homelessness, murderers, emotional and verbal abuse, you probably wasn’t homeless as a kid or had an uncle molest you, but you were probably the overachiever who got straight A’s and if you didn’t you looked at yourself as a failure, or you were told you were dumb or stupid cause you got bad grades but you really had a learning disability someone failed to realize, everyone has a story and you don’t have any idea what someone has gone through which makes them feel the way they feel or act the way the act. This is a no judgement zone 🙅🏾♀️ my day job as a social worker I work for a major health insurance provider which involves connecting people, stakeholders and providers resources to the needs that they have based on their mental and physical health, social and environmental conditions which I connect them into the community.
July is Mental Health Minority Awareness Month and my first blog “Free Your Mind” discusses addressing the stigma, how to access therapy and other resources and I thought 🙇🏾♀️💭 it would be fitting that we discuss the elephant in the room and that is suicide. I think we have had some momentum with mental health as we are not as reluctant in talking about our depression or anxiety cause of the old generational quotes “what happens in this house, stays in this house”, or the stigma of the disgrace that is common among black people with mental illness, we for sure are not discussing suicide thoughts or attempts until it is too late and we are hash-tagging #RIP on someone’s FB Page or Instagram because we were unaware that our friend, family member or co-worker wanted to end their lives.
Black cracking on the inside, is suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts there are more suicide attempts than there are suicides. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Suicide is the 10th-leading cause of death in the U.S. and is one of just three leading causes that have been increasing. Suicide can be disguised as dismissive when you ask someone, “how they are doing and they say ok”, but deep down they are ready to end their life. Suicide starts with a thought, it can start with an insult, it can start by being bullied, it can start by being rejected, it can start by a failed relationship or divorce, it can be drug induced, it can start by being depressed, it can start by losing a loved one. Suicide attempts are higher than the suicide rate, it is more people that have had a suicide attempt than actual people that have committed suicide. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in 2018, there were 48,344 people that died of suicide, but there were 1.4 million suicide attempts in that same year.
Overall as the African American race our suicide rate is 7.03% according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Now, let’s break this down by age and sex since my blog is geared towards, black women so I reviewed that data. In 2017 according to the CDC, black girls between the ages of 1-19 years old suicide death rate was 5.5% and black women between the ages of 20-44 years suicide death rate was 3.3%. Our youth death rate was higher than the adult rate which shocked me, but with the influence of social media, bullying and coming out, our youth not feeling like they belong perhaps can be the reason why the black female youth rate is higher.
Discussing suicide may be uncomfortable for you, so reach out for help call other family members or friends, if you have ever watched the show Intervention on A&E people need to know that you care, you are not a behavioral health professional, so don’t try to be, every state has a crisis line, or suicide prevention line you can call and have someone trained to assist you and assist them in matters of suicide attempts. Now this is if your family member, or friend admits that they have had the thought or attempt of ending their lives. Like I said before it may be embarrassing for someone to discuss, that they want to end their lives, or attempted to end their lives, you can ask questions, but will they be honest with you get to the ROOT CAUSE of why they want to end their lives, is it work stress, financial troubles, relationship issues or depression. Once you get to the root of the cause it is easier to help assist. Ask them if they take medication, ask them if they are seeing a therapist or psychiatrist if they are not, this may be a good time to start, and if they are tell them to call for an appointment.
You don’t have all the answers for them, so seek professional help, and they may be set on ending their lives even if they say that they won’t do it, a term we use in the behavioral health field is contracting for safety, it means they will call the suicide line if they are having thoughts of suicide and it is signed by you and them that they are promising you that when no one is around and they have these thoughts of wanting to end their life that they will call the crisis or suicide line, friend or therapist. It is an accountability tactic and some people do not want to end their lives, but some people feel their problems, or issues are so overwhelming that they rather not deal with it and end it all. Some people think of others, as one may say, I can’t leave my kids or this would destroy my mom or dad, so some people are conscious of the fact that if they do end their lives who they will leave behind, and that is a motivator for some to live and you can say, think about (insert love one) and what that may do to them, some people may feel like the family member would be better off without them here and that is a thought that may need professional help to change, because their views already are set on ending their life and the people they leave behind would be better off without them here.
For our young black girls especially they are developing and changing, hormonally and they are not equipped emotionally and cannot communicate effectively to handle the peer pressure or trials of life and trying to fit in at school or failing academically or having anxiety to make perfect grades, or maybe they are trying to navigate their homosexuality and have thoughts of contemplating suicide. I am not a mother but I have tons of nieces and nephews and have directly worked with youth, so they will go to their friends before a parent, they go to parents for money or to get their needs met, like food, clothing and shelter, but to talk to their parents about bullying or homosexuality is not often discussed at the dinner table, so for the parents of young black girls the suicide rate is 5.5% among our black female youth. My advice would be to open the doors of communication and if they are open WITHOUT JUDGEMENT, seek professional help if you think you are not reaching your young daughter.
And for my black adult women 20-44 years old our rate is 3.3%. As we are all experiencing a pandemic together we have to dive into changing stigma into wholeness you can’t look like a million bucks on the outside and feel broken and shattered on the inside, your mind and thoughts are very powerful what you think is what you can conceive or manifest. I know ADULTING can bring some major worries, depression and anxieties, but we have made it this far. Black women have been labeled strong, but it is ok to have weak moments just don’t stay there. Yes, you can pray to Jesus prayer works but, he saw a need here on this earth a need for therapists people go to school and study to be a therapist so for my religious folks who don’t believe in therapy God created therapists. I like to say Black women are resilient more than saying we are strong, because we are able to spring back into shape after grief and loss, financial burdens, divorce, or health issues. We can look fantastic on the outside and on the inside too. We don’t have to settle for less than what we deserve, and we can’t let our pride and ego get in the way of seeking help.
Here are some resources I recommend, as you explore your own whole health wellness, and others which will assist to identify the type of therapist you may need or suicide prevention if you are know someone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts or have had suicidal attempts.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Therapy for Black Girls is an awesome resource specifically for black women.
Therapy for Black Men is a great resource specifically for black men.
Psychologytoday.com is a great resource to find a therapist in your zip code.
Here are some online therapy providers that I recommend as you seek your preference to utilizing therapy for whole health wellness.
Betterhelp.com 👩🏾💻
The online therapy alternatives above can be more affordable, because some online therapists do not have the overhead expenses of office space, you can do on-line therapy from the comfort of your home or wherever you have WI-FI just by logging on. Ok the therapists price range is still out of reach, you can ask for a sliding scale fee, a sliding scale fee, is maybe you are on a fixed income, like you can pay $40.00 per session, but not $55.00 or $60.00 per session. Before you sign up inquire about the process of a sliding scale fee.
In closing Black does Crack, but on the INSIDE, don’ be afraid to ask or reach out for help their are people waiting to help and assist, don’t feel you are alone because 1.4 million people have had a suicide attempts so you are not alone, and the resources provided above is a good start.
LIVE WELL
XOXO
BGUC.